| grr |
[10 Jun 2006|10:38am] |
im really bored.
ive done absolutley nothing with my life for the past two weeks.
i have no friends.
im really bored.
i need to get out of this house without involving leonel.
im really bored.
did i say i was really bored?
yeah i am.
my belly button is infected.
its itchy.
|
♥i KnO iM oN tOp
|
|
[30 May 2006|07:21pm] |
|
gay
|
♥i KnO iM oN tOp
|
|
[15 Apr 2006|01:24pm] |
|
i got home like hmm 20 minutes ago and i already wish i was still awayy..honestly i dont even want to see his freakin face again..you go out with someonee for 3 years and u think they would know how to be honest..but no wen i find out he liesss to me he justt goes and somehow gets everything to be my faulttt...whutttteverrrr..i need a knew prom date and i have less that a month to find one=( i hateeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee leonel! the end
|
♥i KnO iM oN tOp
|
| bored |
[07 Apr 2006|12:18pm] |
|
I am sitting next to sam n christine and i sent them a girafe! It is really cute and i love him so i thought id pass him around!When i saw my father he told me hes not paying for college..yayyyy court!=)he called my mom sue and neither of them realizedd and it was funny!Im going to disney world tomorrow! yayyy! im buying all the coool kids presents! but only the cool ones..maybe ill buy my girafe a nemo t-shirtt..<3
|
♥i KnO iM oN tOp
|
|
[01 Apr 2006|04:22pm] |
i dont like being on a waiting list..its annoying and gay! i dont want to work tonight..its stupid..and i dont feel good and i have no clo0thess!
the end
|
♥i KnO iM oN tOp
|
| boredd |
[11 Feb 2006|10:08am] |
yesterdday leonel was nice to me..he bought me a tiffany's necklace for valentines dayy..(duno why i got it early) i suppose hes planning on spending it with patsy this year..wouldnt put it past them..
i hate school..and homeworkk..i got into pace n iona with a scholarship..but i hate pace..and i feel like if i go to iona everyone will look at me like i was stupid didnt have anywhere else to go and like b mean..because i know i usta say that..but i know it would help my mom out a lot if i went there..iona n manhattan r like the cheapest i applied too..so i doubt im guna b allowed anywhere elsee..u know whuts funny fordham asked for my 2nd quater grades..idk why they just didnt reject me..because they want like a+++++++++++ people n i have like a c idk whutever they r funny..
im gettin my hair redone today..so people can stop annoying me about it..why do boys care about roots..gay...then i have nothing to do tonight and someone should call me n be my frienddd=)!!
<3
|
♥i KnO iM oN tOp
|
| =( |
[25 Jan 2006|06:53pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
watchin friends |
] |
ok im ina really upset mood and if you dont like listening to me complain the same old leonel story then i suggest not reading this. . .
you know whats weird..like not having friends..well i have friends..but its not the same anymore, i always feel like no one really likes anyone..and thats not to offend annybody..idk i guess because ive been so upset lately and not having someone to call and just cry to is like a reality check..how many friendships i fucked up is amazing..
and now me and leonel are broken upp..well as of an hour ago anyways..and i know half of u are like w.e ull b back together tomorrow..and idk maybe we will be. but if we are im guna b really mad at myself because it b another stupid mistake..i see this boy 1ce a week..maybe..and hes with freaking patsy larry zach and whoever the fkk else idk debellis EVERY FREAKING NIGHT! ill ask him to come over..sorry no gas..ill call him..cant talk im with patsy or i cant hear you a million people are talking to me at the same time..seriously boy fuck you because its really annoying being ur 2nd priority..your dumb friends have always come first..and after 3 years..well threee years in 5 days..ud think id mean a little bit more to u..
all hes done over the past 3 years is mess with my emotions and maybe its time i grow some balls and stop with this breaking up and getting back together everyother day shit..its been an hour..thats a record..he came to my house juss now and brang me all my stuff..i almost cried when i saw his face..but then he slammed my door and i just got angry because i realized he didnt have enough gas to come see me an hour ago but he had enough gas to throw all my shit in my face and leave..usually he calls me..he hasnt called me..
i mean im hysterical..im scared and like about to have an emotional break down and i like dont know how to do this..anyone who knows me knows i cant go a day being single..i went from boyfriend to boyfriend since 8th grade with like maybe a week break in between if anything..nick to nick to sean to anthony to mike to denis to luke to joe to leonel to mike to mike to alex to dominic to joe and then back to leonel..and thats like with no breaks at all..i never really got over anyone..like i cried over sean for like a week..and denis for like an hour..but everyone else still like means something to me like i never got over my old feeling..so this feeling of being alone is like really weirdd..i like dont feel content or whole =/
i should of never done this..let boys control me like this..i cant live my life normal and it sucks..it really freakin sucks.
</3
|
♥i KnO iM oN tOp
|
|
[21 Nov 2005|03:50am] |
|
immm engagedddddddddddddddddd!!!!!!! yayyyyy
|
♥i KnO iM oN tOp
|
|
[12 Nov 2005|12:27pm] |
work was annoying last night..thursday night was weird..i hate being the only girll..especially wen all of them like to attack me about being paranoid n not trusting leonel..but wutever..emily n christine visited us to say hi so i was happy..anthony like flipped out on me wen i said i wanted to go to nathans so i could run kristina over..and hes like after three years ud think ud trust leonel..and fkk him..he doesnt know how i feel..especially wen another girl like jumps on my boyfriend..so he can shut the fkk upp because he acts like he knows everything and kept screamin at me for like an hour..so yesterday wen i was with him and leonel i ignored him the whole time and i really think hes retarted cas he didnt know why i was doing it..whutever..i hate people
todayy should b fun im going to the mall with jamie and corrine..weird..but fun lol..maybe ill find pretty clothes so i wont have to walk around ugly anymore..
u know whats gay i have to work from 845-500 tomorrow..my day is basically fuckin shot..i hate cvs
|
♥i KnO iM oN tOp
|
|
[11 Apr 2005|06:12pm] |
|
im making a new lj username people! cause my sister found this one..so im me [lauupimpszyou] and ill give u the new 1
|
♥i KnO iM oN tOp
|
|
[01 Mar 2005|04:56pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
crushed |
] |
okayy..so i juss need to let this all outt
lately i have been a mess..like literally one big mess that i juss dont know wut to do with myself anymore. im paranoid and hysterical 24/7. Im guna honestly say i feel like i have no friends anymore. do you understand last night i was sitting in my bathroom staring in the mirror and i just bursted out crying..why?
maybe its because lately when i am upset i dont know who to call. i hardly talk to the people who were supposed to be my "best friends" and half of them wouldnt call me back anyways..
or maybe its because i live everyday in fear of losing my mom. realizing how it would fkkin suck, and how my life would change so much it wouldnt b worth living. that in the middle of the night i go into her room and just sit there to make sure shes breathing so i wont have to wake up in the morning thinking i could have done something about it.
or maybe its because i honestly dont want to be alive..because i dont see the point in living when your not happy..and im not saying this to get people to feel bad for me..or accuse me of bullshitting..as i said i jusst need to get this off myy chest.
im full out scared of death..and the fact that i sit h0ome and waste my life watching television so i can escape from the fact i dont have real friends. i miss hanging out on the weekends..i miss people actually calling me to hang out on the weekends..i miss being able to go to school and just talk to people and tell them everything..but i dont trust anyone to honestly understand and not just blow me off like im exaggerating.
and i was talking to my mom about all this last night..saying i need therapy. but thats not going to help. why cant everything go back to the way it was..why cant everyone stop talking shit..and why cant i have my real friends back.
comment please? believe me..i need it
|
♥i KnO iM oN tOp
|
|
[01 Jan 2005|09:14pm] |
well i havent updated inawhile but im bored so i will. im scared about something again but i really dont have to worry for 10 days, i hate all my friends and yes all of you so dont think im okay with u cause im not cause when i say all of u i mean every1 except rose because shes the only nice RELIABLE ONE! yeahh so my new year sucked because no1 likes to call me back and they are UNRELIABLE and dont like to be friends. i dont want to go to school because i dont want to see to fake girls who are stupid and fake! and yeahhh
LaUrRrRra<3
|
♥i KnO iM oN tOp
|
| wowwww havent updated in awhile |
[03 Dec 2004|05:48pm] |
Okay so ill start frum the cruise over thanksgiving break...wasnt the same without barbara but i met lotsa people :) and i misss jack! laalala anyways i got home and everything was okay until schoool which im not commmenting on because it b 6 pages and stupid pe0ople would get mad at me so0o..LAST NIGHT!!
it was fun because i went out with rose emily and chris, but then i got home and leonel called me screaming at me saying i told people he sucked at having sex and made me do all the work? hMmMmm supposedly patrick and ant manzo told his sister i was saying this last night? lets see when was the fuckin last time i chilled with pat and ant manzo for that matter...like a thousand months ago? so he was upset and mad at me and i flipped a shit and pat wasnt answering his phone so i bleeped everyone in the world trying to get anthonys number and all i got was his cell frum gaygan but i was too scared to call and no1 except leonel had his bleep and he wouldnt give it to me. SO I HATE 32 AND ALL THERE FUCKIN MOUTHS! thank youu :)
-!>LaUuRRrarRRa<3
|
♥i KnO iM oN tOp
|
| :( |
[08 Nov 2004|10:49pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
crushed |
] |
okayy..well on a scale frum 1-10 i would rate this fuckin weekend -1000000000000000000.
Friday night: I worked with moh. he is an asshole and got to leave at 915 and left me with all his work and i was stuck there til like 1130!! and i was soOoo friggen tired
Saturday: i helped my nana with stuff around the house..i painted vacuumedddd and washed windows! then i went to leonels house and watched tv and his mommy bought me a hott pretzel!!(had to b the best part of the weekend!)
Sunday: Went to crappy iona college's open house and it sucked..then the mall with barb cristina and jen..then the worst night ever. . .
maura called me up and invited me to the movies with her laurin and christine and whoever else i dun remember..so i was like okay ill go as long as we dont see SAW because thats one movie that i wouldnt see if sum1 paid me a million dollars. so i was guna go but then laurin told me it was just her n maura and they couldnt give me a ride..so i was all readi to just chill at home but i called christine to see wut she was up to and she said she was going and her and suzanne could pick me up cas they wer juss driving around..so they did and we went back to christines house..then suzanne left to go to her grandmas and me and christine went off to city center!! we met up with shawn maura and laurin thinkin we wer guna see the incredibles but instead they decide they want to see the 925 movie of SAW..so i was like complaining the whole time like no u guys please i hate scary movies i dont wana see it bla bla..still they werent caring...see like i would have just left but i was sleeping at christines...okay so we went to go buy the tickets and the lady wouldnt sell them to us cas we werent 17 so i was really happy..but then sum seniors frum our school who maura new came and they bought us 2 tickets..and there was 5 of us..so basically 3 of us hjad to sneak into a movie we werent old enough to see while i had already lied to my mom..now normally if this was at like 7 i would..but it was like 10 and i was scared and i had this really bad feeling we wer guna get caught..so i like begged christine and shawn to just forget the movie and leave with me cas laurin and maura had already gone it..and at first they wer like okay but then maura came out with the other peoples stubs and they changed there minds..so i was like w.e thanks a lot u guys but i was guna go in anyways..so we got the the ticket checker people and the lady stopped us and was like r u sure u wer in here already? and christine and shawn wer like yehh yehh we just left to go see our friends..the lady obviously didnt buy it, like u could tell but she let us go anyways...so i hadda call my mom to lie and say i was back at christine so as christine was like laura come on..and i was like one minute and then i turned around and she and sean and maura we gone..so i was like thanks a lot guys..the movie had already started n the theature was full..i didnt even want to see the movie so i was juss like fkk it and i ran into the bathroom crying because i was very emotional..i called like gia dominic and leonel and mike durin that time and basically about an hour of me crying outside the movie went by without one of them coming out to see wut happened to me..A FUCKIN HOUR! so i called dominic and he stayed on the phone with me until the movie was over...so basically they left me outside alone without even really attempting to see wut happened to me..great friends? okay so every1 started coming out maura like looked and was like i tried bleeping u and then like ran in the bathroom christine was juss like wut happened asked for her concelor and ran in the bathroom and laurin was the only considerate 1 who actually sat down and talked to me about it and trully apoligized..like seriously..they said they tried bleeping me and i didnt answer? iwas on the phone the whole time so if the tried b;eeped me it wouldnt have worked? woulddnt they wonder after two hours and actually try calling or coming outside to make sure i was okay after they forced me to stay in the first place...yehh? thanks..so they all know i was upset and they were like yeh i didnt think to do that? u didnt think to do that?!?!uh huh well i slept at christines n we r fine and i went to lunch wit her n laurin today and laurin still feels bad so i guess im okay with them..but still it was fkked up...anyways...
MOnday: so i as i said i went to lunch with laurin n christine which was madd fun!! haha and then i got homee
and boy i wish i never got homee...okayy wut happened with my sister is really personal info im not guna give out but all im guna say is im going to counsiling at school tomorrow and im seriously telling them everything..i hope my sister loses her job and is sent to jail for all this shit and my mom still sits and laughs about it...i was on the phone with my dad and for now im moving out tomorrow and living with my grandma..and then will see wut happens but i think in the end im moving in with my dad..and dont even try to get me to stay..cas u dont understand..its not even a choice..i HAVE to leave this house...
-!>LaUuUURRa </3
|
♥i KnO iM oN tOp
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
bellaa_bambinaa's journal